Woman Pastor Seeks Virtuous Husband

Woman Pastor Places A Want Ad?

I knew you’d rush to read this. Got Ya! Seriously though, recently I have been giving the issue of equality between spouses a lot of thought. Panama in recent months has been confronted with the statistics of increasing domestic violence and abuse of women and girls. This is nothing new in this macho culture. It is a common occurrence in Panama’s churches as well. Christian married women are not exempt from being battered and otherwise abused. Neither are women pastors. So what does that have to do with my want Ad?

Woman Pastor Seeks Virtuous Husband as a post title, was sparked by Rev. Renita J Weems. Yup. Blame her. I’m innocent. She’s the one who started this by asking on her Blog Who Can Find A Virtuous Husband? There was no sense resisting a response to her, as I could not agree more with her conclusion:

……there is the Proverbs 31 wife. God bless her soul. But is she our only role model of what it means to be a woman? Who wouldn’t want to be married to a woman who exhausts herself staying up all day and night to make your work and home life comfortable and smooth going? (I need a wife like that myself.)

So where does a clergy woman find herself one of those?

The Quest For A Male Wife
Gentlemen, hold on to your horses! Please don’t storm my mail with passionate sonnets now. This is not a real want Ad. I am not seeking a male wife, or a husband, virtuous or otherwise ok.

Rev. Weems’ comment in brackets above made me recall two well meaning colleagues back in seminary, in Jamaica. They claimed, jokingly of course, that it was their divinely appointed duty to locate a ‘male wife’ for me. I was the lone female in that batch of Baptist seminarians. These caring souls misquoted and misapplied I Timothy 3:12 to claim the Bible said – ‘the pastor should be husband of one wife.’ Since I was going to be a pastor, I obviously needed a wife.

I suspect that after 12 unsuccessful years my colleagues have retired from playing Stupid…(ahem) I mean Cupid. The ‘male-wife’ they searched for is yet to be found. He is about as real as Santa Claus and the cow that hurdled the moon. What then are the prospects of finding a ‘Virtuous Husband’ instead?

No Virtuous Husband Candidate? Then No Marriage
Does Mr. Virtuous Husband exist or is he a figment of this woman pastor’s imagination? I pride myself as being a fair sister. Sure I believe he exists. I know a few of his brothers who reside in Jamaica. Unfortunately, they are already married to my sister colleagues in ministry. Oh drat!

For me to contemplate marriage there are certain non-negotiables that must be evident for the relationship to advance. A woman pastor, like other women seeks a marriage that does not include battering or any other form of abuse. So my being single is not because I have anything against marriage. I am just severely allergic to traditional teachings that promote a gendered imbalance in marriage. I do not join with those who teach “submission to male headship.

To tell one individual to submit to another, leaving the other free of a similar obligation immediately sets up the relationship on the basis of inequality. We have seen and continue to see the gross levels of abuse where this teaching is rigorously enforced. Anyone who speaks of this one- sided submission should read again Ephesians 5:21. I am aware that some interpreters love to skip that verse.

So, a Virtuous Husband who can find? I’ve made a little wish list of the 10 Essential Qualities Of A Virtuous Husband. Do read the list and tell me if you think he sounds more like Mr. Virtual instead…

Peace,
Marvia