5 Reasons Why Making A Man Is A Bad Idea
Idea Of Making A Man
‘You should make your own man’ was essentially the conclusive advice my dear friend Empress wrote in response to 10 Essential Qualities Of A Virtuous Husband. She implied that the qualities I listed in that article are unrealistic.
To advise me to make my own man further suggested that the virtuous man does not exists. My argument that his brothers exist and reside in Jamaica, therefore he must exist – was overlooked. Flawed argument, I know. However, I am sure my sisters in Jamaica would defend their husbands as virtuous men.
I deliberately left out anything to do with physical appearance and a job or money. Then as I prepared to respond to Empress, one of my disgruntled members called me. “Pastora, you didn’t say anything about him having a job and money you know. What would I be doing with a Virtuous bruk-pocket Husband? I work hard, built 2 houses, have my car, have my job, and paying my bills. What I going take up a broke man for? Just because him virtuous?
That conversation confirmed why Empress’ suggestion that I should make my own man is such a bad one. The minute the word gets out that I successfully made my own, do you realize how much pressure I’d be under?
Making my own virtuous man is a bad idea, because no woman should ever attempt to make a man. No human being should ever attempt it. Leave all that stress to God. Listen, God has enough on God’s hands having made the lot of us – male and female. Although to be quite honest, the male of the species have done a whole lot of damage to the rest of creation.
5 Reasons To Not Make My Own Man
1. I foresee backlog and back orders for replacements for all who ‘compromised’, and abandoned their list of ‘non-negotiables’; starting with relatives, friends, other sister pastors, and widows whose first or third virtuous man died.
2. I’d have to fill orders for single, never-married-been-waiting-a-long-time women who never compromised. Have you any idea, how many single women are out there today who are still looking for Virtuous Man? Heavens No!
3. I shudder at the thought of the mommies beating down my door to pre-order for their unborn daughters, pretty much like pre-registering them in fancy prep schools before birth back home.
4. Then, there are current orders of the present generation of women who are on the verge of settling. Right away, I see we will need instructional manuals in every known language on earth for this product that would meet global needs. Outsource to Asia? Virtuous man ‘Made In China’.
5. Contending with lawsuits from dissatisfied customers? We are talking about women here remember. Coping with packaging, exchanges, returns, trade-Ins, and more. What Trouble! And that brings another kind of lawsuit for discrimination against ˜rights” of who should have one of these men.
I’m getting the heebie-geebies thinking of women sending me an extended list for upgrades on the basic version of Virtuous Man. Financially strong women willing to pay extra for little splashes of this, a dab of that, some more here, less of that there. Id have to Magna-something him, Multi-this him, Poly-that (except for polygamous and polyphrenic)!
Still want to make your own man? I don’t.
A list of qualities does not make a man. There are many other factors in the environment and genetic make-up and his own choices that shapes him into being the quality man he turns out to be. These same factors will do the job in any guy becoming a Virtuous Man if he so desires. No factory can churn that out and I’d have it no other way. Because after all, I would not want anyone to attempt to make me over….
I’m sure we’ll return to this subject sooner or later,
Marvia
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
Subscribe to RSS
October 5th, 2007 at 11:39 am
I wonder if I could make my own woman? Hmmm nah! i think the good Lord did quite a fantastic job. I don’t think I could ever improve on that.
I have a question now though. Is it that people in desiring a high standard significant other, have unrealistic
expectations?
There is something I have observed too and that is we tend to get on about the “perfect mate” but how many of us stop and think if WE will be the “perfect mate” for that “perfect mate” we desire.
Or is it that part of their perfection is that they overlook our imperfections LOL.
Great Post I love it … again as usual.
October 7th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
well well. my apologies but i think you might have some what misunderstood me. just what Duane say about the “perfect mate” that is what i was trying to got at.
i see i touched a corn there…but i guess we’ll pick this up off cyber space.
October 8th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
@ Duane,
If we, humanity, had not grown so terribly dreadful we would not having this conversation about expectations being ‘high’.
That term ‘high’ is such a problematic term because it is so subjective. What is ‘high’ for me, might be ‘low or average’ for another person
The 10 essentials mentioned about are to my mind – pretty normal, and basic. Goes to show doesn’t it? Because it appears unrealistic to some. While in my mind I can conceive of nothing less. Therefore to me, that list is not unrealistic.
The term ‘perfect mate’ is something that I do not use. I do not believe anyone is perfect in themselves. They may be ‘perfect’ in that they match exactly the ‘must have/non-negotiables’ we look for – but that does not make them perfect.
Also to say, persons looking for a relationship should first be what they want. Eg. Looking for honesty, be honest yourself and so on. Frankly, I just believe people lose sight of what is important and become pressured into thinking what they want does not exist so they decide to settle for what comes along.
And I also know that there is the reality of deception. Some professional con experts go out looking for what they can get. They will pretend to be something else for as long as it suits their purposes. These days one has to develop highly skilled ways of testing people’s sincerity. A sad truth, but it’s reality….
October 8th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
@ Empress,
No apologies needed – no offense taken. Come on, Empress you should know that CHB does not have corns where this issue is concerned. Panama has not changed me – except to strengthen my resolve when I see the high levels of divorce and domestic violence here and in the church as well.
You can see from my answer to Duane that I do not believe that the list of 10 essentials are in anyway above-average. They are normal for me. Moreover, I do not use the romantic notion of ‘perfect-mate’. Practicality makes that nonsense.
However, I know myself well enough and know what I have to offer in a relationship. I am not prepared to ’settle’ for less than I deserve. I don’t think that any woman or man should. Not to please society that says you are supposed to be married by a certain age.
Not to satisfy some biological clock that ticks, but cannot change a diaper
Not to satisfy the church that has not been able to quell the increasing divorce rates
Not to obey Paul who says its better to marry than to burn…I say burn baby burn!!
First thing a woman or man needs to recognize is that you are better off single than be married and miserable for having made the wrong choice. That is my principle plain and simple.
I have listed what are the critically important factors I am not prepared to compromise on – for a peaceful life. Not some fairytale – ‘happily ever after’ nor chasing a pipe dream of a ‘perfect mate’.
Hats off to those who choose to do otherwise…
October 9th, 2007 at 7:21 am
Thanks… i really pray no one asks what is CHB. (for those who don’t know please don’t ask).HEHE!
what about the Mate who displays all of the qualities in the initial part of the relationship and then after marriage changes? 1. was that person that was all the time and was hiding the real “them” or 2. the present situation has forced then to change? hmmm…
October 9th, 2007 at 10:09 am
Empress man!!!
Now you going to let my readers hound me. I think I’ll start a competition to see who can guess what it means. Although that might get me into more trouble when they decide to post their answers here.
So that’s our little secret, hmmmm…
To answer you:-
There is something ‘deceptive’ about courtship the way it has been romanticized. Persons put on a ‘false’ self to keep the other interested. (S)he does everything to appear to be what the other desires.
What is false will one day be uncovered. Usually it emerges after marriage. Rarely all at once…just little by little. You wake up each day seeing a new side to the stranger/monster you married.
Sometimes too, circumstances that they never anticipated or even discussed the remote possibility of, could cause problems later on.
I find that many of the persons I counsel for marital difficulties have one thing in common – a superficial dating experience. Couples just don’t bother to talk about the harsh and unpleasant subjects when they are dating. They mistakenly believe they should address them after marriage.
Mistake!!!!! Way too late…
I say talk about the unpleasant stuff up front, see what you will have to contend with and decide whether or not you are prepared to take it on.
Too many people blindly “sign-on” to people’s baggage without having any idea what they are really ‘picking up’.
Hope that answers your question
October 9th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Yes it does, and you would not believe what happened to me today.I had a counselling session with two persons who wants to get married. The man’s wife died 2 years ago and the lady’s husband died 7 years ago. i asked her the question – what are some of the things you don’t like (personally), in other words what are your expectations about this marriage? She didn’t understand so i said, take for instance you do not like when persons take off their shoes at the door…it irritates you. Now this man is coming to live with you for the first time he does it all the time when he visits. How would you handle/deal with that. She made me to know she will deal with that when it happens.
imagine at the counselling session she is afraid to tell her mate what are some of the things she doesn’t like and what she expects out of the marriage.
Just as you said… To her it would have been harsh and even unpleasant so she is going to wait until they are married. Well i did my best to get her to talk even after the man (one of my colleague) impressed upon her the importance of verbalizing her feelings.
And believe it or not i made reference to your last post about the “virtuous man” and your 10 essential qualities. Stating to her she needs to be upfront about what she would “stand for or not.”
And all this happened before i came home and found this recent response. Thanks…
On a different note i would love to see what others think what CHB is HAHAHAH!!
October 9th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Empress,
I’m happy that you were helped with another approach to how persons set about choosing a mate. I think it is important to know what you are looking for and stop the foolishness about ‘love is blind’.
I’m sure you have heard the quip – ‘If love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener’. I’d recommend that we have our eyes even partially opened before the marriage takes place. It will be wide open enough after that!
Let the sleeping CHB rest no man…